I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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