you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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