so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
