No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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