I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
