Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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