I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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