I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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