you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
