Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
