I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
