I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
