who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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