he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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