hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
