You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
