I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
