A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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