I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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