My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just high enough for therapy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
