Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
