Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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