the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
