So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
