Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
