I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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