So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
