Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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