He is such a slut. More and more my type.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
