so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize