People with herpes should wear stickers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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