He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
