you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
