So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
