ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
