Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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