i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You need a sexual gate keeper
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
