If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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