she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
