Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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