I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
