This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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