The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Randomize
