there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
