it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
