my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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