i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
