I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
