i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
