I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize