I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
