get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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