The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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