I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
