If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
