I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
jump out the window naked night went bad
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
