Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
