i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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