I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's shark week go big or go home
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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