Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
