I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
